Misadventures of a 20-Something Mom: September 2012   

Sunday, September 16, 2012

I'm Addicted to Crack/Babies


So I guess with a politically incorrect sounding title like that, I have some explaining to do.
I don't actually have or want a Crack-Baby, so please don't run and call D.C.F. on me. However, the thought has occurred to me lately that babies in general are a little like crack.

Hear me out. Drugs deprive you of sleep, food, time, energy, and resources. They might start out fun but they slowly become all consuming. Hobbies, careers, friends, and family all take a backseat. (Sounding familiar?)

Knowing all of this, why would anyone in their right mind ever start using drugs?! And why would anyone who made it out of the hellish cycle of drug abuse, dive right back in and start using again??

My time as a substance abuse counselor gave me the answer: FOR. THE. HIGH.

That euphoric feeling that you can't find anywhere else in the world.

While I will never be an ACTUAL drug user, I'm pretty confident that I'm addicted to my baby boy. When he was brand new, fresh from the womb, my "high" came from feeling the weight of his tiny head in the crook of my arm. From running my fingers through his soft blond tendrils and inhaling that "new baby" smell. Absolute Ecstasy came from listening to his contented breaths as he lay sleeping on my chest; tiny hand encircling his mommy's finger.

As he has grown, my "highs" have evolved as well. Now, I get my fix from new milestones, or unprompted, slobbery, open-mouthed toddler kisses. Forget euphoric, the pinnacle of my existence is when that sweet boy cries out for his "mama" because he is lonely, or hurt, or scared.

I don't get as much sleep as I used to, and my time and energy have been equally zapped since the baby's birth. Money is a little tighter and assorted body parts are a lot saggier. These days I wear less lingerie and I can make a good case for the utility of wearing pajama bottoms all day long. That probably makes me more soccer mom than sex kitten.

It is clear that things will never be the same. I will never be the person I was "pre-baby."

You know what? I'm absolutely okay with that. I love being a mom. Our lives have certainly changed dramatically, but I adore how my husband and I have transitioned from coupledom to a family.

I should probably leave well enough alone...but like any good druggie, chasing that first high, I can't wait until I can say that I'm expecting another bundle of exhaustion joy. :)